Woodwise - The View from the sharp end
Chainsaws, don’t you just love them? Well, I do. I’ve lost count now of how many I’ve owned over the years, mostly from the same orange stable though. I have tried other makes but somehow could never quite get on with them. It probably all stems back to the saw I first started pulp cutting with. I’d left college and was wondering what to do with myself when a mate suggested I come and join a gang he was working with. The job was simple enough – taking out the middle row of pine in a three row pine, three row beech crop. For this I was to be paid the staggering amount of £5.00/ton roadside. The way he said it, it sounded great – well we were in the pub at the time!

Anyway, having agreed to have a go, the first thing I needed was a saw, steel toe caps and, if I was a wimp, some earmuffs. So, armed with this knowledge and the make and model of saw the other lads were using, I presented myself at the local dealer, haggled a bit and came away with a shiny new saw; a gallon of chain oil and, as my mate was a touch deaf, a pair of
earmuffs. After that first week I was totally knackered and knew all about hung up trees, trapped saws and so on. I also discovered that Saturdays were devoted to helping each other out by hand-balling all our produce onto an ancient Russian tractor and trailer, getting it out of the wood and then hand-balling it all again onto a lorry.

I also discovered how pitifully small my contributions had been when the money was split out
between us. However, with much encouragement and a good deal of advice from the others, things progressed. By the time I’d learnt the art of sharpening, felling, snedding and stacking at speed, my less shiny saw had also been modified. It had the chain brake removed, a short
bar, an eight tooth sprocket, a new type (in those days) chisel chain and was now tuned to about half an rpm below destruction speed. Oh, and the rakers had been filed off. By God that was an awesome saw and despite the above tweaks, actually kept me just above insolvency for several years.

That saw was orange and so I suppose that’s why I kept going back to them. A bit like the farmer’s son who grows up with a particular colour tractor, they just seem to keep on buying them. After 30-plus years of saws I can still remember some of them. Obviously the first, then the absolute dog that never ran right, the one that lasted and lasted until, plonker that I am, I ran over it with a tractor, and the one that blew a hole the size of a 20p piece through the piston but suffered no other ill effects and with a new piston ran for another year. Of course there are also the ones that have no memories, probably because they didn’t break down and therefore performed adequately and so would probably have been the best ones. It was only age that caught them out eventually.

Such memories! Who’d ever want to go back to an axe and a crosscut saw? Well, actually, just recently we nearly had to! We have a student with us at the moment and, naturally, he gets the oldest saw. It’s also fitted with an old style chipper chain in the vain hope that it might suffer slightly less while he’s practising his land drainage techniques – I keep telling him
it’s only designed to cut wood, but perhaps he doesn’t believe me. Anyway, he tells me one afternoon that, ‘it just stopped and won’t run’. Okay, benefit of the doubt, let’s have a look. Sure enough, age is getting to this one, but with the benefit of a new ring it’s up and
running again.

However, a week later and with witnesses, it quite literally ground to a sudden halt. This
time the piston has sort of melted round the edge and the pot looks like it’s been attacked with a chisel.

Terminal I think, especially as we’ve run out of spare pistons and pots to suit from our scrap saw pile. Now, much speculation and inspection of fuel cans, and mixtures are double checked, but to no avail – baffling. About a week later one of my regular sub-contractors is found in the later stages of apoplexy, surrounded by tools and bits of saw and I gather that his saw has also ground to a halt. His weapon of choice is from the white and orange stable and over the past few years we’ve had a bit of running rivalry as to which is the better make. We’ve had lots of silly little niggly breakdowns, whereas his never seems to break down, except that when it did, it was a lot more serious, eg key on flywheel sheared off requiring a whole new flywheel – expensive.

That redressed the balance a bit and I have to point out that as we’re running four saws to his one, we are bound to have more problems just by the law of averages. This new problem is not even remotely funny though, as his saw has suffered the same fate as our old one. By the way, his is only seven months or so old. Again it’s the piston and pot that’s shot. He was using his own fuel/oil mix though, so no connection with us in that respect – more baffling, and a bit too coincidental. Luckily for us at Woodwise, we still have enough saws to keep us all going, albeit someone will have to borrow one of my slightly larger saws which should increase the strength in the forearms but, hey, what price fitness!

I tend to have a policy of each person having responsibility for a particular saw. That way there’s no argument about maintenance or, for that matter, abuse. However, in times of crisis like this, I shall just have to allow my other smaller saw to be fostered by someone else until I source another. All well and good then, not. Just two weeks later I get a call from
the lads to say that another two saws have blown up that afternoon. Good grief! Upon examination it appears that this time it’s the big ends gone on both of them. This is fairly obvious once apart, because (a) the con rod has gone pink (a sign of overheating) and (b) the supposed silky smooth fit of big end on crankshaft feels more like stirring brick rubble.

Now, one of these saws is 18 months old, the other only 3 months, so it’s not down to age.
‘Fuel mix’, you’re shouting at me. It can’t be that as I’ve tracked all the fuels and mixes; who bought/mixed when and where and which jerry can batch the combies were filled from. Interestingly there were three different batches of fuel bought from three different petrol stations, at three different times. It must be said all were from the same brand although the sub-contractor’s own batch was from a fourth station and a different brand, so that doesn’t
seem to add up either. There was a common denominator in the two-stroke oil used, but
as it is a globally known brand and we were over halfway through a 25-litre drum, it seems unlikely to suddenly fail. After all, at 50:1 we have already used it for many, many batches without any problems.

Now I am totally baffled and considerably poorer as all of a sudden I need to buy three new saws in a rush – still maybe I’ll get a discount for bulk buying and the price of scrap ally is through the roof now! In the meantime the lads will have to get on with some fencing or strimming as I just can’t bring myself to hand out bow saws in the morning. Might have been worth it though just to see the look on their faces! I’ve always been a bit of a cup half full man, so the one saw that is still within the stated 6 month guarantee is returned to the dealer despite the little devil in my head asking me why I’m bothering, and this is backed up when the dealer rings to say, “It’s b*ll**ed,” but he’ll send it back to the manufacturer.

The little devil has a good chuckle and I set about trying to run a forestry company with half
the required kit. Thankfully my mind has been temporarily sidetracked from this hiccup by an invitation to demonstrate at Windsor Great Park. No, not some anti-monarchy rally, this is
to show off our mobile sawmill and logging machine. It’s a bit of a trek for us, but at least two of us won’t need saws, which helps. Sorry, it’s a very exclusive invite and you aren’t invited, unless of course you are young, shortish and from a London school. This show is really all about giving such youngsters a broader insight into a world they may never otherwise see, eg farming, forestry, gamekeeping and so on.

I only see the forestry sections but 1600 open-mouthed kids seeing huge chip harvesters, forwarders at work or trees being turned into planks or logs for the fireplace are testament to the validity of such efforts. Just another chance to add a little something to their learning
curve – who knows, little acorns and all that.

Oh, and as a bonus, my chainsaw dealer rang to say the manufacturer has agreed to credit me against the ‘faulty’ saw! Not enough, obviously, to pay for a new one, but it all helps! No explanation though, and with four saws down I’m still baffled. Any ideas anyone?
Chin, chin.
Nick Hilton